Talking About Emotions

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I want to talk about emotions. Really talk.
We’ve all got them. Some of us put them on display, some hide them behind barriers. Some think they are stupid, some (actually quite a few people I’ve come across) believe that they’re a sign of weakness. Many associate them with femininity and women- which I find annoying, and many of us at times, just don’t know how on earth to bloody control them.
Emotions.

Now I would say that I’ve been having that problem for quite a while now. It comes and it goes this feeling, but at times I do just feel lost in my emotions. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not an emotional wreck. Contrary to popular belief, being “emotional” doesn’t automatically mean (esp. if you’re female), that you are some kind of naive silly little girl who needs to come back down to earth and have a reality check. I hate that assumption, that emotions equal weakness. No. I’ve gone through a few rough patches in life, particularly with family life, and I’ve never really moaned about it, and don’t really talk about it, which is wrong I know. As I’ve matured I’ve begun to understand the importance of talking. Sometimes it’s your right to take that one tiny moment to feel sorry for yourself and just pour your heart out. Yes. Cry. Getting something of your chest is important. Very important. And I don’t do this often. I’m not a shy person. I may be quiet at times, but not shy. I’ll always speak up against something I believe to be wrong. However this is often concerning my beliefs; social, political etc, or other people, and not actually about myself. I guess, growing up, we as a family weren’t really prone to talk about our problems and feelings, and thinking about this recently has made me kinda angry.

I have begun to realise the power of talking. The importance of not letting your emotions get the better of you. Emotions have their positives and their negatives, but just like everything, too much of something is never a good thing. Talking about your emotions allows you to put things into perspective, and most importantly it allows to clear your head, meaning you can make well thought out and genuine decisions and choices. As human beings friendship and companionship is important. I believe good relationships are vital to us, and vital to our happiness. I know this now. I begun to understand this more recently on a day out with my cousin. A nice walk in a park, lead to a long conversation about problematic family, parent’s relationships, and the theme of bad fathers in our families. This lead to me crying suddenly out of nowhere in the park. And I knew that talking to my cousin, and even crying, was a good thing. I had kept my emotions held within me for far too long, and I knew I hadn’t been my usual happy self lately. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m almost always smiling, but for the past few months I had found smiling, something usually so natural to me, hard to do. It felt like a weight was lifted of my shoulders, and I knew I wasn’t alone.

That’s one very important thing to always know! You are never alone in your thoughts and emotions, in your worries and concerns. As difficult to believe as it may be at times, there is always something more, something more loving and beautiful. I’ve found this beauty in my group of friends, and in my boyfriend. People who’ve been beautifully placed in my life, people who I may not have ever know if it wasn’t for those beautiful small consequences life has in store for us. And with them I can, and I always will from now on share my emotions with.

 

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The Importance of A Grandmother

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In response to The Daily Post on whether there should be another day in order of a special relative, my answer is yes, a day dedicated to grandparents, or in my case, my lovely grandmother. I call mine “annane” (Turkish for grandma). It literally means mother’s mother.

Now I can only speak from my own experience with my grandma. I understand that there aren’t many people who are that close to their grandparents, and truthfully I find that a little sad. I don’t know if it’s down to culture and different ideas on what family is. In my culture family is very important, especially family elders. Grandparents are seen as wise and special, and people you should always be respectful towards. I’ve always had a very close relationship with my “annane”, and so have my siblings. She practically brought us up – of course my mum did too, but my mum’s always been hard at work providing for the family as long as I can remember…and my dad…well not so much. In my opinion grandmothers are like second mothers, and my grandmother certainly is. No one’s love feels as warm and gentle as a grandma’s love. There’s just something special about them. Something kinda magical. My “annane” is the sweetest woman ever, but that isn’t to say she isn’t tough. I love that about her, and I love that combination of sweetness and “I don’t give a damn” confidence that comes with age. I’d love to be a grandmother one day. I’m not really scared of aging.

For me grandmothers deserve a day of their own, because they are such strong people. My grandmother came to London when she was in her early 20’s with FIVE kids! Yes five…two more soon to be on the way. She also had an abusive husband who she had never wanted to marry in the first place. At a young age she was basically kidnapped and made to marry him. She came from a remote village in Dersim, north-east Turkey. Eventually she left her husband. Today she’s almost always coming to visit us, and still as passionate and full of energy as ever, with a total of 7 kids, 12 grandchildren plus one on the way, and two great grandchildren at the ripe old age of 62. A phenomenal woman she is!

Happy Father’s day…To all the Mothers who’ve played both roles.

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( Image from http://www.muntsavicente.com/supersinglemum.html)

Today is Father’s day, and I congratulate and respect all the men who have been great fathers to their children.

And at the same time, I show the same, if even more respect for all the mothers who have had to play the role of not only mum, but dad too. Because there are a lot of amazing women who do find themselves put in that situation, and it’s damn hard. Not everyone will be able to relate to this feeling, however there are certainly a lot of people who will. You may not be a child of a “single mum”, you may in fact be someone who’s parents are married, but who’s father has never played a significant role in their lives. I have many friends who feel this way, and I know that it’s difficult, as it can leave you feeling upset and confused, with so many unanswered questions in your head. Some of my friends, or people I have had similar conversations with have discussed how although they have lived with both parents, their “family” has always felt like a false portrait of how they really are. A common issue being that many people have felt that their father’s have not ever attempted to bond with them or form a relationship. This leaves children and teenagers, or even grown adults feeling that they have done something wrong, but that is most certainly NOT the case. It’s never a child’s fault if you’ve just basically got a dead beat dad. Let’s just put it out there bluntly and truthfully. All parents owe it to their children to be the best parents they can be. 

Feel free to leave comments on your own experiences and thoughts.

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